Uncle Ray

Yesterday, I received a horrible phone call from my brother that my Uncle Ray had died of a heart attack.

Though Uncle Ray was not really overweight and had lived a pretty active lifestyle, he hadn't been feeling well. Doctors set up an appointment for him to undergo a stress test. During the test, he blacked out. Doctors immediately began to work on him and discovered that the main artery to his heart was totally blocked. They revived him for while, and he was able to speak to his wife, my Aunt Margaret. Then he blacked out again, and doctors were unable to revive him this time.

This is shocking news, to say the least.

I have great memories of Uncle Ray. He was a huge Duke Bluedevils fan, and I can't think of Duke athletics without thinking of him. Last night, the men's basketball team lost by their largest margin since 1990 (that was the NCAA championship game against UNLV, a game I watched and talked about with Uncle Ray). The game against Clemson yesterday was ironic in that it happened on the same day that Duke lost one of its biggest fans.

When I was a child, our Christmas gatherings took place at Uncle Ray's house...

One of the very first times that I rode in the front seat of a car was with him driving. I remember being fascinated by the radio controls and the "Buckle Up" sticker on the dash. I thought it was a button that you pushed and the seat belts would fasten around you automatically.

The beach at Emerald Isle, NC is where Uncle Ray and the rest of my mom's side of the family vacationed for years when I was younger. Uncle Ray was always a great conversationalist and had interesting insights in sports.

I never once saw him get angry or exasperated. This past Christmas at our family gathering, I opened a 2-liter bottle that someone had dropped or shaken. It exploded and soda spewed on Uncle Ray, who was standing close by. He smiled with good nature and helped me clean it up off the floor and counter.

Uncle Ray was especially close to Conner, his grandson. Conner is young- not school age yet. He is shy and doesn't say much, but he and Uncle Ray were inseparable. Conner would seek out Uncle Ray at the family gatherings, and Uncle Ray was more than happy to carry him around. I feel so sorry for Conner. His best buddy is gone. It is a painful reality to grasp for someone so new to this world.

This is a blog about law school, but I have to write about Uncle Ray because he is constantly on my mind right now. I'm angry about this, the way I always get angry when god or fate or randomness or whatever you want to call it deals somebody that I love a senseless, cruel blow. A difference between other people and me, I suppose, is that I never get over the anger. The "Anger Denial Acceptance" theory espoused by psychologists is lost on me. I'm not in denial. I accept that Uncle Ray is gone. But I'll be angry about it until the day that I leave this world myself.

I wish I had my law degree now. I could swoop in and help Aunt Margaret and her family by taking a look at their property and insurance situation and making sure everything is in order and on schedule. At this point, though, I just have one semester under my belt and have to stay focused to make it through my classes for this round.

Uncle Ray's death reminds me that no matter what, time is going to run out before I meet all of my goals. I wanted Uncle Ray to live to see Conner and his other grandchild, Sara, grow up. Uncle Ray had some property disputes a couple of years ago. I looked forward to offering him advice about his property and whatever other problems might arise for him in the future, once I had my law degree. But he is gone, now, and it is a sadder world.

Uncle Ray was a great man. Maybe in my next blog I will be more upbeat. But as I feel right now... Well, silence is probably better than expressing my specific thoughts on whoever or whatever is running the show in this universe and existence- if anyone is running the show.

Until Next Time,

Nathan Marshburn